Master Chafe

While watching the final minutes of “Madea goes to Jail” with my girlfriend tonight, I slowly realized what I and everyone else has known for a lifetime:  Tyler Perry is a damn marketing genius and has managed to sell us the same movie over and over… and over again for years.  Because in every Tyler Perry movie EVER, you find these exact constants:

1. Black female protagonist in a troubled marriage.

2. Urban, poor, yet overall good-natured black male protagonist who, incidentally, is great with the black female protagonist’s kids.

3. Someone is cheating on somebody else, which is usually revealed and confronted towards the end of the film.

4. Everyone is very well off in their careers and financial relations, but is completely unhappy and/or dissatisfied with their life.  Except, of course, for the urban male protagonist and the elderly wise person.

5. As mentioned above, an elderly, wise person.

6. Abusive/selfish spouse to the female protagonist.

7. Self-centered, manipulative alternate antagonist. (is always a woman)

8. A reference to, or appearance by, one of Tyler Perry’s formerly funny characters (usually Madea.)

9. Rich white guy (most likely a douchebag that starts off the serious drama of the film. i.e, fires female protagonist from high paying job.)

10. Rich white woman (usually over-weight and on very good terms with the main african american family)

11. A would be wedding between two people that aren’t meant to be together (because, c’mon, what would a Tyler Perry movie be without one of those?)

12. An actual wedding between the female protagonist and the male protagonist. (usually takes place only a month or two after their initial meeting.)

13. Comic relief, usually in the form of the male protagonist’s fat best friend. 

14. An entire film filled with enough stereotypes and racial tension to be called “Racism: The Movie.”

15. A horrible (and horribly catchy) R&B song at the end credits.

Did I miss anything?

I didn’t think so.

You see? He’s managed to give us the same film since the BEGINNING!

This man is a genius.

So, whilst bored, I decided to relive some childhood memories and watch episodes of Family Matters on YouTube.  As I was browsing, I saw a video labeled “Family Matters: The Gun.”  Being curious and only vaguely remembering the episode, I clicked.  And boy, did I have some laughs.  Not because of the oh-so ingenious humor of the show, but of what it portrayed.  Apparently, in this episode, (but interestingly enough, in none of the others) Steve Urkel and friends live in the most ghetto neighborhood known to man.  Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) apparently has a gun.  High school kids are able to buy them from a trunk of some student’s car as easily as walking into Cold Stone and buying ice cream.

I’ll have a Compact Semi-Automatic .45 ACP, please.

Anyway, this isn’t enough evidence to deduce that everyone in the high school campus actually owns a gun, until a girl (who ironically just bought a gun for self defense) gets shot and prompts the police to set up an event called “Save a life. Turn in your Gun.” As if the entirety of the student body having illegally obtained fire-arms wasn’t enough to start this event anyway.  No, someone obviously had to get SHOT.  After failing to solicit any guns from the students of ghetto-town, Urkel does a Will Smith-esque rap and by the grace of God, is able to get a a gun turned in… by a white guy.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  ”Sergio, stop being racist!”  Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything obscene like “all of the black people didn’t give up their guns” or something like that.  …wait.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say for today, but I’m sure I’ll have more to say some other day.  And if anyone reading this has a problem with racial humor, I really didn’t mean it to offend anyone. It was strictly for humorous purposes only… so, please, if it offends you… shut up, chill out and relax.  

It’s funny.

Adieu.

So, I’ve never, well, “Tumbl’d” before.  So I might as well just kinda go on a rant here.  I’m sure I’ll have some more interesting stuff to say in later posts.  Right now, I’m sitting on my bed, typing and watching Transformers 2.  As much as I hate to say it, Transformers 2 isn’t as great as the first one.  I like the action, but I also enjoy just a smidgen of “coherent story line” in my movies as well.

Just a smidgen.

Something about little evil baby robots being birthed in sacs (and the word “sac” in general) just really disturbs me.  On another note, I just got done playing me some Xbox.  I really enjoy first person shooter games, particularly Left 4 Dead, Bad Company 2, and Halo.  You never really know what it’s like to shoot a zombie, terrorist, or alien until you’ve shot a zombie, terrorist, or alien.  Something in that makes me feel really badass. And I don’t feel badass often.  

Some people say that video games are a way for non-athletic people to compete in the mainstream.  I whole heartedly agree.  I appreciate getting to compete with little to no physical effort.  It’s pretty cool.

Really cool.

I’m hesitating at my keyboard right now because I’m trying to come up with clever things to say in my first.. er.. “Tumble.”

Clever things aside, I really want some popcorn right now.  But sadly, somehow my parents know when I’m downstairs at creepy hours.  And they don’t like it.

Megatron just said “it feels good to grab your flesh.” It made me giggle like a girl.

ANYWAYS, I think I’ll end it here.  I think it’ll be more interesting when I have a topic to talk about.

Adieu.